Monday, 16 February 2015


Hello everyone!

So ... I haven't been very active on my blog or anywhere else lately.

Reason for that is that my depression started to creep back.
 I've been depressed since I was about 12. It developed because my family and "friends" (I didn't have actual friends back then) always made me feel like there was something wrong with me and that I was unloved and unwanted. This was however left untreated since my mother lives in denial about it and believes that she did nothing wrong and I'm just being difficult my whole life. 

I've managed to keep some kind of control over it but it still pours out sometimes usually when things go south and I'm left without the support I need yet again that is the trigger for me to remember how I was traumatized. 

This time it's however very very bad because it looked like the situation with my mother will improve so she gave me a bit of hope that she wanted to help me and fix her shit but just as quickly as she did that she also took it all back. It's been a while since I felt so betrayed by her and it really pushed me over the edge this time I couldn't even move out of my bed for about a week and I slept through most of the day. When I felt a bit better I dragged my mother to therapy but it's clear that she is not willing to change or admit she did a lousy job being a parent. She even said she doesn't care about how depressed I am and that I should just get over it.

So I had decided not to put up with this any more and I'm currently looking for job and other living arrangement. I currently live in her apartment and I have absolutely no say in what's going on and no financial or moral support. I really feel like I need to change this asap or I'll lose my mind. Therefore my bloging/drawing/clothing making will go a bit slower at least until I get all this shit together.     

But this week I already have a job interview so wish me luck and hopefully I'll have some good news to post soon! I really don't like talking about sad things here I hope soon there will be only kawaii clothes and cosplay everywhere in my life again! ^^ 

I'm glad I got that off my chest and I do hope everyone is doing fine :D  


  1. I'm sorry to read that. :( But I hope that you'll feel better as soon as possible!! <3. I think it's very good that you try to be active and change your situation by finding a job and living on your own. I think this will really help you and bring you forward. Stay strong! <3

    1. Thank you I really appreciate the support <3 Yes I'm working on that as much as possible and it really keeps me going n.n